So This is Christmas ... What Have You Done?

So fast.

Another year past.

2007 gone.

2008 soon upon.

Questions

How did you do? What did you do?

What did you do that really mattered?

Have you even thought about it that way? Or …

Were You Just Too Busy?

Have you considered how precious and fleeting each moment is? How each breath is an amazing blessing extending our existence on this blue-green magical orb called earth?

An earth that travels through space at over 1,000 miles per hour and moves around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour?

Too Much to Do

Or did you have too much to do to wonder at that?

I did.

Have you considered that if the expansion rate of the universe was changed by one part in a trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion, faster or slower, life on earth would not exist?

Too Many E-mails

Or did you have too many e-mails to think about that?

My inbox was pretty much always full.

A Really Big Inch

Did you know that if a measuring tape were stretched across the universe and segmented in one-inch increments (billions upon indescribable gazillions of inches) representing the force strengths of nature (gravity, electromagnetism, weak and strong nuclear forces) and the tape was moved by just one inch in either direction, life on earth would not exist?

Too Many Meaningless Meetings

Or were you too busy to think about that because you had to prepare for another meaningless meeting?

Too busy here - too many meetings.

Do you know what would happen if the cosmological constant (the energy density of space) was not tuned to one-part in a hundred million billion billion billion billion billion (10 followed by 120 zeroes)?

Life on earth would not exist.

Too Many Petty Wars

Were you too embroiled in petty internecine political turf wars, in business and life, to consider that?

I was too embroiled.

A Light Year

is about 5,878,625,373,183.61 miles.

A Long Minute

Globally, 21 children die every minute from poverty.

And, “they die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.” - Unicef

So Now This Is Christmas

So fast.

Another year past.

What Have You Done?

2007 gone.

2008 soon upon.

John Lennon wrote a song about this 36 years ago called “So This Is Christmas." The lyrics were both timely and timeless.

Timely

They were turbulent times. Times much like today. Differing only in the increased speed, ferocity and utter destructiveness with which things can happen.

Timeless

The lyrics transcend time. Race. Creed. Sex. Religion. Age. Not many do. The words are a calling to stop, reflect, consider, act, and hope ... hope for a better future.

2008, the road ahead, beckons

Many will come.

Many will go.

Best wishes.

Lyrics , audio and video link below. (WARNING ... Graphic)

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

So this is Christmas
A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong

And so happy Christmas
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas
And what have we done
Another year over
A new one just begun

And so happy Christmas
We hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

A very Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear
War is over, if you want it
War is over now
War is over now

THANKS for being a reader in 2007.

Best to you for 2008.

Steve Kayser

Have a Little Faith in Me

By Steve Kayser

A good song is a story. Launches a movie in your mind. A great song ... well, it does that too. But it can also transcend space and time. Transport you to a world you once lived in -- long ago -- to a person you remember you were and still want to be. A song like that might be called ...

Have a Little Faith in Me

The World's First Multimedia Press Release by an Octogenarian!

By Steve Kayser










Okay. Maybe a slight fabulist prevarication ... but on a nano scale. A miniscule, dissimulated equivocation at most.










I MIGHT HAVE CHEATED!

Yes, I did help write and create the The World's First Social Media News Release by an Octogenarian!

I know Mark Miller, the writer, actor, producer and director of Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel ... which the press release was about. I helped write the world's first Social Media News Release (SMNR) by an octogenarian -- for Mark Miller. We're friends, introduced through each other's writings. Mark is the consummate pro, his career spans from the 1950's until today in TV, film and print.

I wanted great things for him. To plant the "Ripley's Believe It Or Not" octogenarian flag of immortal conquest on the new lands of the Social Media News Release (SMNR). Mark Miller has earned the right.

What does that mean? Well, let's see.He went to film school with a lady named Grace Kelly.

She called him "Herbie" (don't ask). Grace later became known as ...

Princess Grace of Monaco - and still called him "Herbie" when she saw him.

He's acted in the "Twilight Zone," wrote screenplays such as "A Walk in the Clouds," starring Keanu Reeves, an award-winning family film called "Savannah Smiles," and many others. He's appeared in "Alfred Hitchcock Presents," "General Hospital," "Barnaby Jones," "I Dream of Jeannie," "Gunsmoke," "Adam 12," "The Waltons," "Marcus Welby M.D.," and on and on and on.

On and On and On

When I say on and on and on, I don't just mean writing and acting. The on and on and on runs in the family.

Mark is also the father of

Penelope Ann Miller and Marisa Miller both noted actors as well. I'm not sure who that guy is in the picture with Penelope. His name was Carlito in the film though. I'll have to send this picture to Mark and tell him it looks like she is hanging out an unsavory looking fellow. Mark is still going strong at 82. Incredible huh? Mark Miller was an Indie film producer before the term was in vogue. In fact, Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel was an Indie film. He wrote the story, raised the money, produced the film.

Shortly after Christmas Mountain was released he wrote, produced and starred in an award-winning, all-time family classic called Savannah Smiles.

A Really Hard-to-Believe But True Story

About 2 years ago someone introduced him to a screenplay called Acceptance Bridge. He loved the story and wrote by hand (yes, it is still possible to find someone who can actually write a letter - if they have the requisite technology - paper, pen or pencil) a letter to the author telling him what a great story Acceptance Bridge was.

Unaccustomed to Favorable Reviews

The writer, unaccustomed to favorable reviews ... waited for an accompanying solicitation from Nigeria telling him there was $10 million dollars just waiting to be deposited into his account for safekeeping ... if only the writer send his social security number, license number, bank and checking account numbers asap and all other applicable private financial data to a PO Box number in Nigeria.

SCAM

But the scam email never came. Why? Because it wasn't a scam. Mark Miller had taken the time to hand-write a note to the author because he truly loves "stories" with heart, spirit, soul and a positive message.

SIT DOWN

Well, that writer was me.

Even a blind chipmunk gets a nut every once in a while.

I was sure, at that point, however, that Mark was off his rocker. Why would anyone write a note of thanks wanting nothing in return? Weird.

But, after speaking on-and-off for months with Mark and watching a lot of his work, I came to know him as a genuine classic. A humanistic populist grounded in real-life. A prolific storyteller for our times. A great person whose word in business was a life and death bond. Whose heart was soft ... but strong. Quite incredible person actually. Didn't know his type still existed. I was blessed to meet him.

This "Internet" Thing

Anyway, we became friends. One day he said he didn't know much about this "Internet" thing but had heard that he might be able to make one of his out of print films available for sale using this "Internet" thing. "Hmm", I said, I knew a little bit about this "Internet" thing and would see what might be possible.

Almost Certain Doom

In short order I worked with a graphic arts person to design a DVD cover (all we had was a very worn, old VHS cover). We created a new image for the cover. I wrote the jacket synopsis and helped with the design ... thereby almost certainly dooming the project.

The Only Thing That Could Save It?

The only thing that could save the film was the story itself.

It did.

And does.

It really is a timeless classic, beautiful scenery, imagery and evokes a heartfelt stirring of a bygone time. A bygone place. A bygone people.

I found an on-demand video distribution vendor called CreateSpace. Worked the niggly details out and shortly thereafter "Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel," was available again.

This "Internet" Thing Again

But how to promote it? I started messing around with this 'Internet" thing again and soon became aware of a new Press Release format being designed and tested. A Social Media News Release (SMNR) ... or a press release incorporating bookmarking capabilities, audio, visual elements. It also utilized a fundamentally different format and structure from the traditionally BORING press release. I liked it. But then the next question became ... how to create, distribute and test the effectiveness of it?

Eureka

I stumbled upon PRX Builder.



It's a tool and service offered by Shannon Whitley. The PRX Builder enables PR & marketing professionals to easily create Social Media news releases through a series of guided steps.

Easy to use. Easy to understand.

Really

It really is easy-to-use and easy-to-understand. And that doesn't mean just for technology geeks ... but for business users as well. PRX Builder is the tool I used to create "The World's First Social Media News Release by an Octogenarian!"

There may be mistakes in it - but if there are, it's purely operator error.

THANKS!

A hearty thanks to Shannon Whitley and PRX Builder.com. I'm not giving it near the accolades or full review it deserves. But it's a great and ongoing contribution to helping evolve business communications in a positive manner. And help banish the boring.

Go to his site to check it out.

Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel Now Available On DVD

"This heartwarming Christmas tale contains a western twist as it tells the tale of a heavenly cowpoke who rides down to Earth to ride herd on a few people in need of some miracles." - NEW YORK TIMES REVIEW Cincinnati, OH -- November 6, 2007 - Key Facts: • Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel DVD now available on Amazon and CreateSpace.com • Re-released for 26th anniversary of the timeless Christmas classic • Octogenarian Mark Miller, writer, producer and star of Christmas Mountain and Savannah Smiles, is available for interviews (OPRAH -- You can call direct. See contact info below) • This is the world's first social media news release by an octogenarian What's it About? Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel is a heartwarming Christmas tale featuring American leading man Mark Miller - writer, producer and star of SAVANNAH SMILES - and his boisterous comic-sidekick, the immortal, eternally lovable, Slim Pickens. Imprisoned, down-on-his-luck drifter, Gabe Sweet (Mark Miller) is forced to seek redemption by undertaking a Christmas charity mission on behalf of the town. There’s only one problem - the "charity" is as empty as the hearts of the townspeople themselves. But, with the help of a dearly-departed Angel wannabe (Slim Pickens), Gabe quickly learns that the ones truly in need are the ones who already have the most. Why is it Important? Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel classically captures the timeless magic and spirit of Christmas. In the vein of "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It’s a Wonderful Life." It’s a journey of friendship, compassion and understanding - and along the way you learn what it means to be truly rich … in spirit. How About a Decent Review? "This heartwarming Christmas tale contains a western twist as it tells the tale of a heavenly cowpoke who rides down to Earth to ride herd on a few people in need of some miracles." - NEW YORK TIMES Quote: "What's all this talk about banning Christmas? We don't need to ban Chrsitmas ... we need Christmas films with heart, spirit and soul that the whole family can watch," said Mark Miller, writer, producer and starring actor of Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel. "This film is about Christmas. The Christmas Spirit and an Angel trying to earn his wings." Related Links • New York Times Review of "Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel" • New York Times - All About Mark Miller For more information or media interview requests with Mark Miller please contact Steve Kayser. OPRAH ONLY Or, if you're name is OPRAH, call direct at 513-295-9090. About Mark Miller: Can you believe it? Mark is 82 and still going strong. Mark is a long-time writer, producer and leading man in both film and TV. He's currently working on three new film projects and a remake of his family classic Savannah Smiles. Mark has worked with the likes of … • Keanu Reeves: A Walk in the Clouds • Michelle Pfeiffer: Love Field • William Devane: Nightmare in Columbia County • Lara Flynn Boyle: Terror on Highway 91 • Keith Coogan: Under the Boardwalk Filmography? Too long to list. But the IMDB has an accurate list - click here. Contact Info Steve Kayser (Agency) Kayser and Kayser Creative Skbigm@gmail.com 782 Stone Harbor, Suite 1 Cincinnati, Ohio 45039 513.833.4755 (office) 513.295.9090 (cell) Web site: http://skbigm.googlepages.com Blog: http://www.writingriffs.blogspot.com

Christmas Mountain Trailer Video Download Christmas Mountain: The Story of a Cowboy Angel Image Download Christmas Mountain Animotorized! Media Download Bookmark Add Digg

A Modern Man That Understands Corporate Gobbledygook

Below is a video of a modern man that understands corporate gobbledygook. Only one person on earth could put this string of corporate gobbledygookisms together and deliver them with heart-pounding panache. The DaVinci of Words. George Carlin.

I once confessed I played a passable piano. But then I saw Bruce Hornsby play. My definition of "passable" transmogrified into a necessary gastric function. And, he made me want to chop my fingers off.

But I've gotten over that. (Never mind the image to my left. It's just an alter-ego-toon.)

George Carlin makes me feel that way with words. When I try to string a line of maturative, indurative, depurative, and curative words to halt corporate gobbledygoook it pails and fails in comparison to the world's master word-painter, George CarlinVinci

I yield the floor to George.

THE MODERN MAN

Animotorizing - A New Way to Start a Presentation

On the relentless quest to banish the boring and try something different in business meetings I ran across a new company called Animoto.com. The creators of Animoto probably never envisioned their application being used in a business environment (I asked -- they hadn't), but I saw it and thought, what the hell? I gave it a try.

Animoto Easy
Took me about 5 minutes to figure out. Easy to use. Quick to learn. I had a few questions, emailed the folks at Animoto and they responded almost instantly -- even at 1:00 am. So, not only a good new tech application, but some responsive folks that understand customer service.
Animoto has the potential of being a real ice-breaker in business meetings. You may harrumph and bloviate ... too goofy, too in-your-face, but at least it's not boring.

Opening with an Opening
Opening a meeting with a funny or poignant look at an issue with a quick 30-60 second video overview will differentiate you from about 99% of others giving a business presentation at any given time. I'll give you a "briefy" (neologism for a "quick overview").

Animoto makes it 1-2-3 easy

Step 1 - Upload your images.
Step 2 - Select your music ( I like their selection, good mix of styles) ...
Step 3 - Then Animoto analyzes the images and music and creates a customized video.

The end result is a 30-second or 60-second movie-like trailer.

Two Types of Edits
You can go back in and move images around any way you want, change the music, or do both.
Now here's the really cool part. They have a one-step remix process so you can essentially make 10-20-30 different versions of the same presentation. You just press the automated remix and a new version of your video is mixed. Not boring.

Some REALLY Valuable Additional Uses
You can also use it to suck up to the Boss's secretary. Alice, my boss's secretary, makes the world go round. She gets things done when all hope is lost. She's the helping hand out of the quicksand, and on and on. So, when I realized I forgot to get her a birthday card I was frantic. I quickly resulted to unplanned sophomoroic cartoonializing that are character flaws of the truly disorganized. I did the 1--2-3 step Animoto boogie and it morphed into the semblance of a well thought-out personalized birthday card. I emailed it to her. Waited for a digital pink slip to ping my email inbox. But .. she loved it. It has now gone down in corporate history books as the day "Steve won over Alice."

See below.

Prestidigitation

Several people have asked about my use of the word "prestidigitation" in the "Wizard of Was," Jimi Hendrix post. Did I make the word up? No. In that post I referenced Bruce Hornsby. First heard the word when he was doing a song called "Spider Fingers".

What is Prestidigitation?

Prestidigitation is defined as "skill in or performance of tricks; sleight of hand." Though the word is used in Spider Fingers it doesn't apply to the song or Bruce's Spider Fingers. That's practice and repetition combined with sheer innate musical genius.

Don't believe me? Watch the clip.

Customer Stories2.0 - Fedex

Customer stories can be pretty boring. Historically boring. Lame corporate gobbledygook writing. Tediously long. Structured in a communistic concrete architectural story-style. Over-printed. Rarely read. However, they 're one valuable resource people check out to see if you can really do what you say you can. But they're so boring they're desperately in need of a extreme makeover.


Now comes Fedex doing something interesting. Telling stories. Real stories. That's right, real stories of their employees going the extra step to serve customers. It's a first step towards banishing the customer story of boring yore.

What's unique about Fedex Stories? It's the format. The presentation style. Web-based, personalized, visually appealing -- and engaging. And, more importantly, it's a tip of the hat to their greatest strength -- the Fedex employee.

You've heard of Web2.0., Sales2.0., PR2.0. well maybe this is the start of ... Customer Stories2.0.

The Fedex Stories web site (URL at the bottom of this post) starts with a spinning globe with little yellow dots sprinkled over it. Each dot represents a story, a customer and employee.

When you click on a yellow dot, satellite imagery hones in on the location anywhere on the globe they have tagged.

ZOOM

It zooms downward towards earth. Up pops an employee name, title, location, and the story begins.

Now this is not a pdf - or classic customer success story brochure format. It's a visually appealing, interactively engaging, textually minimalistic, powerful example of some world-class storytelling. Not only short, succinct text -- but pictures, imagery, and in some cases, audio and video.

DREADED "S" WORDS

Notice I said the dreaded five-letter word? Short? Followed by another nasty descriptive adjective long out of favor with corporate communicators? Succinct?

I traveled with their employees and customers to Dubai, (you have to click "back to globe" to start the globe spinning again - don't be childish like some people I know and left click and hold your mouse so make the globe spin really fast) China, Ireland, Wyoming, Australia and Chile. A good example of video was Samantha Byrne in Dublin, Ireland.


Buffaloes and a Box of Chocolates

I really liked the Sheridan, Wyoming video with Fedex Service Manager Debbie Knezovich. Not to crib the story, how can you not like a story that has a jack-of-all trades, buffaloes and a box of chocolates? My favorite story was probably in Santiago, Chile.

Why is this different? Why does it matter?

It brings to light and life real-people, real problems, real solutions. It highlights the employee efforts to provide the best service possible -- under difficult conditions. Who wouldn't want to do business with a company that has employees like this?

CAVEAT EMPTOR

No matter how great the presentation style, how creative the writing is, a great customer story doesn't start with the customer. It starts with the employee.

Check it out or go to http://www.fedexstories.com/ - HOLD IT!
A question before proceeding. What are the two most clicked on words on the internet? "Skip Intro," take it for what it's worth.

It Was 40 Years Ago Today, Jimi Hendrix Taught the World to Play

The Wizard Of Was
I'm a music lover - and passable piano player. Passable means I played in the local pubs, bars, nightclubs, studios, events, weddings, etc. for 15 years and got paid for it. Got rich? Yes. But not monetarily. Got rich with ethereal moments and emotional highs. Connecting and resonating on stage "live" is an experience everyone should have. Occasionally it felt like I was someone else watching my fingers doing things on the keys that were wonderfully implausible -- even impossible. Prestidigitation. Magical. But ... that was before I saw Bruce Hornsby play. Then I wanted to chop my fingers off. That's another story. For another day.

It Was 40 Years Ago Today, Jimi Hendrix Taught the World to Play
Hard to believe it's been 40 years. But it has. Jimmy Hendrix at Monterey. Today the UK Telegraph published some remastered footage of the Monterey Pop Festival from October 25, 1967.

Resonating Riff
Nothing is more moving than a soul-vetting resonating riff. Storytelling isn't always just about words, pictures, or audio. Watch Jimi actually play a few riffs with his teeth in this video. Then close your eyes and listen to the same riff. That's a resonating riff if ever there was one .... Smoking. On fire. Sgt. Pepper probably watched this band play.

If ever if ever a Wiz there was the Wizard of Was is one because, because, because, because, because ... because of the wonderful things he does.

BEHOLD - THE WIZARD OF WAS

Whiffs: Missed Messages and Beetle-Juice on Acid

Sometimes you just miss too many things. Get too many emails. Too many voicemails. Then ... you forget you forgot to remember to call a person on their birthday. Not by a day. But by a couple weeks.



Ouch. Only real losers do that.

It doesn't really matter that you are uber-busy. Or business is bad. Or your heavily invested in Merrill Lynch. Or you voted for Ross Perot once. And would again. Or that you had lots of United Parcel Service (UPS) stock before it went public. But you sold it to invest in Pets.com. Or that the Shinese food you had for lunch was really crappy, crummy, vile, egregious, god-awful (Shinese is really bad Chinese) and is haunting you like an ethereal eidolon (Beetle-Juice on Acid).

Who, Me?



Well someone that looks a lot like me, talks a lot like me and sits at the desk I sit most of the time, did that.

To a great writer friend, Nettie Hartsock.

So what to do?

I'd recommend an Animoto-Mail Message -- it's worth the effort anyway.

And the Number One Issue In The Presidential Election Is?

Fecund Feral Feces

I thought I knew what the number one issue of the 2008 Presidential election was.

I thought it was the Iraq War. I was wrong.

I thought it might be Health care . I was wrong, again.

Maybe terrorism? College tuition? Wrong again. And again.

Fecund Feral Feces

Yes. According to this official news report, Bull-Krapola (or some refer to it as fecund feral feces without the fecundity) is the number one issue in the 2008 Presidential election.

Here's a video that clearly gets to it. Check out the reporter. Glad to see Bill Gates landed himself a new paying gig.


Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Fedex - Customer Stories2.0

Customer stories can be pretty boring. Lame writing. Tediously too long. Often over-printed. Rarely read. They are, however, one valuable resource that people check out to see if you can really do what you say you can.

Customer Stories2.0

Now comes Fedex doing something interesting. Telling stories. Real stories. Of their employees going the extra step to serve customers. They use satellite imagery - let you pick out anyplace on the globe where they have tagged - you click on it, and a story from that location is displayed. Not a pdf - or classic customer success story format. But a visually appealing, textually minimalistic, powerful example of some world-class storytelling.

Web2.0 - Sales2.0 - PR2.0.

Looks like we have a new 2.0. Customer Stories2.0

Check it out or go to http://www.fedexstories.com/

PR in the US is changing radically. The way companies communicate with customers, prospects and the media is evolving so rapidly it's hard to explain sometimes in a simple, easy-to-understand manner. But this video does a great job of it.


PRWeb - A Vocus Service from Jiyan on Vimeo.

General Patton's Speech

Anyone that has ever watched the movie Patton knows it starts out with an incredible speech. A speech that was an excerpt of many words General Patton actually used with his troops. Moving, politically incorrect and visceral. What if he were alive today?

The World's Only Corporate Spokes-Donkey

David Meerman Scott, author of the best-seller "The New Rules of Marketing and PR," did a little riff on my Shoot the Donkey column. He got me thinking when he rhetori-sophmorically posed this question. "Can you think of any other B2B software companies that have a corporate spokes-donkey?"

David - I checked. There aren't.

Lots of Asses

There are a lot of run of the mill average corporate asses (ACA's).

But No Sharp-Dressers

But no trendy, hip, sharp-dressing, corporate Spokes-donkeys like mine. My Donkey (Donkey O'Tee is his real name) wears a lot of different hats too ( see slide show ) - and is a world class master of Pompously Obfuscating on Purpose.

2007 SLAP Award Winner!

He's one of the main reasons I won this years coveted SLAP (acronym for Stupid, Laughable, Anal, Preposterous) award for writers.

Animoto-rizing - The End of Boring Business Presentations?

On a Relentless Quest to Banish the Boring

Business presentations are usually boring. Not usually. Almost always. Boring. Boring. Boring.
50-60-70 powerpoint slides full of corporate gobbledygook, meaningless diatribes and words drained of meaning.

Poison Pills (PowerPoint)

Hours wasted? Incalculable. America's productivity probably suffers a 20-30% daily deficiency, but not because of business meetings. But because of boring, useless meetings that took hours upon hours to prepare for, that have long agendas which are rarely followed, filled with multiple poison pills named ... Powerpoint slides.

On the relentless quest to banish the boring and try something different in business meetings I ran across a new company called Animoto.com and their application. Now the Animoto guys probably never envisioned their application being used in a business environment (I asked -- they hadn't), but I saw it and thought, what the hell? I gave it a try.

Animoto Easy

Took me about 5 minutes to figure out. Easy to use. Quick to learn. I had a few questions, emailed the folks at Animoto and they responded almost instantly -- even at 1:00 am. So, not only a good new tech application, but some dedicated folks that understand customer service.

Animoto has the potential of being a real ice-breaker in business meetings. You may harrump and bloviate ... but do you remember how PowerPoint got started? It was developed by a couple of engineers to communicate with some marketers what they were trying to do in an easy to understand (pictures/images/graphs) manner. (Don't blame the engineers, their motives were pure.)

Opening with and Opening

Opening up a meeting with a funny or poignant look at an issue with a quick 30-60 second video overview will differentiate you from about 99% of others giving a business presentation at any given time. I'll give you a briefy (neologism for a "quick overview").

Animoto makes it 1-2-3 easy

Step 1 - Upload your images.
Step 2 - Select your music ( I like their selection, good mix of styles) ...
Step 3 - Then Animoto analyzes the images and music and creates a customized video.

The end result is a 30-second or 60-second movie-like trailer.

Two Types of Edits

You can go back in and move images around any way you want, change the music, or do both.
Now here's the really cool part. They have a one step remix process so you can essentially make 10-20-30 different versions of the same presentation. You just press the automated remix and a new version of your video is mixed. Not boring.

Some Valuable Additional Uses

You can also use it to suck up to the Boss's secretary. Alice, my boss's secretary, makes the world go round. She gets things done when all hope is lost. She's the helping hand out of the quicksand, and on and on. So, when I realized I forgot to get her a birthday card I was frantic. I quickly resulted to unplanned sophomoroic cartoonializing that are character flaws of the truly disorganized. I did the 1--2-3 step Animoto boogie and it morphed into the semblance of a well thought-out personalized birthday card. I emailed it to her. Waited for a digital pink slip to ping my email inbox. But .. she loved it. It has now gone down in corporate history books as the day "Steve won over Alice."

Presentation Tools

Been testing out some new applications for presentations. PowerPoint is boring.

So I worked up a quickie for my Corporate Spokes-Donkey (don't ask), using Slide.com. Pretty easy to work with. Slow on the upload some times. Each time you change music or images you have to go back and change the speed of the presentation and save the captions (if you have captions) of the images you use. Annoying, but workable. Nice selection of themes and music.

I mixed and matched a heap of images with a great song that I'd never heard of.

Look close ... you'll see a classic PowerPoint Punt.

Anyway ... Here are some Classic Donkeys

Corporate Gobbledygook ... The Four Too's vs. The Four Tools

From personal experience and conversations with many experts in the field, there is reasonable agreement that most corporate sales, marketing and PR lingo suffers from

"The Four Too’s."

• Too wordy

• Too complex

• Too confusing

• Too valueless

Agree or Disagree?

Why is that?

Essentially it boils down to:

1. Trying to be all things to all people at all times

2. Not knowing you can’t be all things to all people at all times

3. Trying to sound really sophisticated, cool, intelligent, intricate and inclusive

And finally, the biggie,not understanding your customer/buyer.

For example, in a recent technology analyst study of executives who were likely to buy enterprise software, it was discovered that large ERP vendors promoted speeds, feeds and technology innovation to their marketplace. These promotions more often than not entail lengthy and wordy descriptive obfuscations (yes, I know what it means, I’m trying to sound really sophisticated, cool, intelligent and inclusive).

But Guess What?

Buyers don’t care about that. Nope. They essentially want one thing: understanding.

Simple understanding.

Clear, short, concise messages and understanding.

Understanding of What?

Understanding them, their businesses, their processes. They don’t want or need the wordy intellectual technical features and functions tomes. Keep it simple! Less is more. They throw away all the cutesy, excessively long-winded brochures as soon as you leave the room.

Some other findings of the study were interesting as well. Buyers would pay for

• high integrity,

• fast return on investment,

• inexpensive operation,

• easy implementation, and

• excellent service.

But how is that different from 20 years ago? And isn’t that applicable to any buyer?

Buyers Want What They Want

Buyers are pretty basic. They want what they want. Understanding and practicality.

Would You Buy From This Company?

"We provide"

• low integrity,

• no return on investment,

• expensive products,

• hard-to-implement products, and

• the world’s worst customer service.

Just a wild guess ... but I’m thinking not.

The Value Of Being a Simpleton

I like simple messages (I’m a simpleton) that give me four tools to combat the four too’s.

The Four Tools

1. What do you do?

2. How do you do it?

3. What makes you different from your competitors?

4. Why should I buy from you (value proposition)?

I know.

Too simple.

But, having recently read this message,

"We build, sell and support hypothetical superluminal quantum particle applications with ERP, CRM, BPM, MRM and PLM functionality targeted at vertical market particularities with platform-neutral ‘LMNOP" interoperability.’ "

I find I still prefer

1. What do you do?

2. How do you do it?

3. What makes you different from your competitors?

4. Why should I buy from you (value proposition)?

The Letter All Writers Want to Write …

The Letter All Writers Want to Write … But Don't Have the Squareballs

One particular day, after receiving a rejection letter (the first among many that I’ve never acknowledged) I got a little ticked. I mean, c'mon, I just spent three months banging out 120 pages of the best screenplay America has never seen.

A classic.

A beaut.

It has the heart of “Rocky,” the cherubic innocence of “Forrest Gump” and the underlying spirituality of “Gandhi.” (You are now getting very, very sleepy ... think “Acceptance Bridge,” and get your checkbook out.)

A quick sale for sure.

I'll be fair and take mid-seven figures against eight. Win-win! That's my motto. But ... what do I get?

A form letter.

But not just any form letter. A little, personalized, scribbled note was attached.

It said,

“You're a good writer, but no real producer would touch this. Too much spirituality at the end. Think more commercial. How about bankers ripping off some people? And chases. Car crashes. Viruses. Diseases. They're big right now. Oh - special effects. Magic. Need that too. Movies are all about special effects now. Don’t be such a smart writer. Dumb it down some.

Get some reviews from someone too - someone with a title would be great. Define what demographic market your film appeals to, what merchandising opportunities and ancillary revenue streams could be available.”

Okay, reasonable advice. Right? It was followed by this little mentoring tidbit.

Cartoons as Structure

"Watch cartoons to guide your story structure - they do it best. And watch movies where animals are the stars. Those are great dialogue-reducers. Relate it to movies you know. Something you can make a snap judgment on. Like “Legally Blonde” meets “Gandhi.” I am busy you know. Send me another query when you think you can meet my needs."

Squareballs Ponders Reasonable Advice

Dialogue-reducers?

Meet his needs?

Dumb it down?

Basement Balcony Beckons

I stifled the urge to hurl myself off the basement balcony. It was tough. I bit my tongue, but did not overdose on 33 cheese coneys with extra onions, peanut butter, chocolate jelly (my favorite), mayonnaise, jalapenos and nuclear hot sauce.

But, being the consummate professional, I felt the need to follow up on his kind offer.

Here's what I wrote back … and just for yucks, sent out to 50 other producers. (You think I'm kidding?)
_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Omniscient, All-Seeing, All-Knowing, Producer:

I have a recently completed screenplay titled "Pig and Turkey” - a classic como-drama that I would like to submit to your company for consideration.

Dialogue Reducers Introduced

Think Babe and Woody Woodpecker freeing Willie.

A pig and a turkey join together to save their farm from an unscrupulous banker who is trying to foreclose on the property because he wants to turn it into a non-profit gambling casino.

Brings in the Banker and Disease Simultaneously (and brilliantly I might add)

The banker leaks to the press that "Mad Turk’s Disease" has infested the animals on the property.

Mad Turk’s Disease is an awful virus that makes your hair and nails fall out, causes you to get really disgustingly big facial warts, engenders disgustingly bad breath and uncontrollable flatulence.

The Dastardly Banker

The banker tricks them into jumping the Grand Canyon on a tricycle with two wheels saying he will stop foreclosure if they complete the leap. The leap is televised worldwide (Pay Per View).

The dastardly banker saws the ramp in half and Pig and Turkey are hurled head and beak-first into the Grand Canyon to a certain death.

A terrible, gut-wrenching moment, sure to bring tears to anyone with the least bit of a heart.

Magic and Special Effects Covered

Just when Death opens its jaws wide to receive them, Turkey finds her wings and transmogrifies like a caterpillar into ... … a bald eagle, but not just any bald eagle.

“Eagle Kneivel”

saving Pig and their farm.

Brings in Joseph Campbell

Pig and Turkey fight heroically to save their home and way of life while exhibiting upstanding morals and fulfilling the heroes’ mythical journey.

Pig and Turkey Fast and Furious (see the sequel potential you visionaries?)

Pig and Turkey zoom toward an unbelievable climax in a 32-car chase scene throughout 51 states (including Puerto Rico).

Great Review

My great-grandmother, Elsie Grunewald, a retired English teacher and author of 11 unpublished novels, thoroughly reviewed the screenplay and thought it was the best thing she’s read since “War and Peace” By Leonardo Coldstoy.

She has prepared in-depth critiques and analyses for your review, and she has also meticulously choreographed the camera shots. POV by POV.

Tremendous Opportunity Spelled Out

To whom may I send this terrific, sure to be a runaway Academy Award winner nominee, 297 1/2 page screenplay?

Oops – Almost Forgot Demographics and Ancillary Revenue Streams

And ... did I forget to mention that it will appeal to the family audience and has great ancillary market revenue potential utilizing dolls, toys, bacon, lettuce, and turkey sandwiches sold through ... probably McDonald's?

Regards, Steve

P.S. Contact me at my Grandma's house.

Now is that a piece of work or what?

Sucks doesn't it?

I got 10 requests to read the damn thing.

About Steve Kayser

Although Steve has won multiple screenwriting awards and publishes an award-winning B2B e-zine with 135,000 subscribers, he is currently busy recruiting handsome, intelligent, bilingual pigs to audition for the lead part in “Pig and Turkey.”

If you are a handsome, intelligent, bilingual pig and are looking to break into acting, this may be your big chance. Contact Steve at skbigm@gmail.com

****Disclaimer****

NO EGOS! Must be able to get along with a turkey who saves the day … at least until Thanksgiving!

Summarizing Books with Buzz for Busy People

Book Digest: Summarizing Books with Buzz for Busy People

Too busy to read? Or like me ... reading challenged? Interested in hearing great lessons and takeaways in a shortened format from the best and latest books? My good friend Nettie Hartsock just launched a new Podcast series you should check out.

Nettie's podcast gives listeners the Cliff Notes™ version of the books everyone is talking about. Get reviews, key insights, special author interviews, NY Times and Wall St. Journal bestsellers and the best independently published books. She even gives her audience a special recommendation for a fiction book or two for relaxing weekend reading.

Stop by and have a listen. Below are links to the first two episodes.

Go Nettie!

Episode 1: “Growing Great Employees”, “POP: Stand Out in Any Crowd”, “Fired Up or Burned Out”, “The Lay of the Land”.

This episode features business books:

• Growing Great Employees
  
• POP: Stand Out In Any Crowd
  
• Fired Up or Burned Out” and the fiction pick
• The Lay of the Land

Standard Podcast [25:50m]: Hide Player | Play in Popup | Download

Book Digest Episode 2: John Jantsch, Jeff Thull, Stephen Covey and More…Oh My!

This episode features business books:

• Duct Tape Marketing by John Jantsch
• Exceptional Selling by Jeff Thull
• Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port
• The 8^th Habit by Stephen R. Covey
• Rainbow’s End by Vernor Vinge