Riffs, Tiffs and What Ifs

Below is a video of a modern man that understands corporate gobbledygook. Only one person on earth could put this string of corporate gobbledygookisms together and deliver them with heart-pounding panache. The DaVinci of Words. George Carlin. I once confessed I played a passable piano. But then I saw Bruce Hornsby play. My definition of "passable" transmogrified into a necessary gastric function. And, he made me want to chop my fingers off. But I've gotten over that. (Never mind the image to my left. It's just an alter-ego-toon.) George Carlin makes me feel that way with words. When I try to string a line of maturative, indurative, depurative, and curative words to halt corporate gobbledygoook it pails and fails in comparison to the world's master word-painter, George CarlinVinci I yield the floor to George. THE MODERN MAN

On the relentless quest to banish the boring and try something different in business meetings I ran across a new company called Animoto.com. The creators of Animoto probably never envisioned their application being used in a business environment (I asked -- they hadn't), but I saw it and thought, what the hell? I gave it a try. Animoto Easy Took me about 5 minutes to figure out. Easy to use. Quick to learn. I had a few questions, emailed the folks at Animoto and they responded almost instantly -- even at 1:00 am. So, not only a good new tech application, but some responsive folks that understand customer service. Animoto has the potential of being a real ice-breaker in business meetings. You may harrumph and bloviate ... too goofy, too in-your-face, but at least it's not boring. Opening with an Opening Opening a meeting with a funny or poignant look at an issue with a quick 30-60 second video overview will differentiate you from about 99% of others giving a business presentatio...

Several people have asked about my use of the word "prestidigitation" in the "Wizard of Was," Jimi Hendrix post. Did I make the word up? No. In that post I referenced Bruce Hornsby. First heard the word when he was doing a song called "Spider Fingers" . What is Prestidigitation? Prestidigitation is defined as " skill in or performance of tricks; sleight of hand." Though the word is used in Spider Fingers it doesn't apply to the song or Bruce's Spider Fingers . That's practice and repetition combined with sheer innate musical genius. Don't believe me? Watch the clip.

Customer stories can be pretty boring. Historically boring. Lame corporate gobbledygook writing. Tediously long. Structured in a communistic concrete architectural story-style. Over-printed. Rarely read. However, they 're one valuable resource people check out to see if you can really do what you say you can. But they're so boring they're desperately in need of a extreme makeover. Now comes Fedex doing something interesting. Telling stories. Real stories. That's right, real stories of their employees going the extra step to serve customers. It's a first step towards banishing the customer story of boring yore. What's unique about Fedex Stories? It's the format. The presentation style. Web-based, personalized, visually appealing -- and engaging. And, more importantly, it's a tip of the hat to their greatest strength -- the Fedex employee. You've heard of Web2.0., Sales2.0., PR2.0. well maybe this is the start of ... Customer Stories2.0. The Fedex S...

The Wizard Of Was I'm a music lover - and passable piano player. Passable means I played in the local pubs, bars, nightclubs, studios, events, weddings, etc. for 15 years and got paid for it. Got rich? Yes. But not monetarily. Got rich with ethereal moments and emotional highs. Connecting and resonating on stage "live" is an experience everyone should have. Occasionally it felt like I was someone else watching my fingers doing things on the keys that were wonderfully implausible -- even impossible. Prestidigitation. Magical. But ... that was before I saw Bruce Hornsby play. Then I wanted to chop my fingers off. That's another story. For another day. It Was 40 Years Ago Today, Jimi Hendrix Taught the World to Play Hard to believe it's been 40 years. But it has. Jimmy Hendrix at Monterey. Today the UK Telegraph published some remastered footage of the Monterey Pop Festival from October 25, 1967. Resonating Riff Nothing is more moving than a soul-vetting resonating...

Sometimes you just miss too many things. Get too many emails. Too many voicemails. Then ... you forget you forgot to remember to call a person on their birthday. Not by a day. But by a couple weeks. Ouch. Only real losers do that. It doesn't really matter that you are uber-busy. Or business is bad. Or your heavily invested in Merrill Lynch. Or you voted for Ross Perot once. And would again. Or that you had lots of United Parcel Service (UPS) stock before it went public. But you sold it to invest in Pets.com. Or that the Shinese food you had for lunch was really crappy, crummy, vile, egregious, god-awful (Shinese is really bad Chinese) and is haunting you like an ethereal eidolon (Beetle-Juice on Acid). Who, Me? Well someone that looks a lot like me, talks a lot like me and sits at the desk I sit most of the time, did that. To a great writer friend, Nettie Hartsock. So what to do? I'd recommend an Animoto-Mail Message -- it's worth the effort anyway.

Fecund Feral Feces I thought I knew what the number one issue of the 2008 Presidential election was. I thought it was the Iraq War. I was wrong. I thought it might be Health care . I was wrong, again. Maybe terrorism? College tuition? Wrong again. And again. Fecund Feral Feces Yes. According to this official news report, Bull-Krapola (or some refer to it as fecund feral feces without the fecundity) is the number one issue in the 2008 Presidential election. Here's a video that clearly gets to it. Check out the reporter. Glad to see Bill Gates landed himself a new paying gig. Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Customer stories can be pretty boring. Lame writing. Tediously too long. Often over-printed. Rarely read. They are, however, one valuable resource that people check out to see if you can really do what you say you can. Customer Stories2.0 Now comes Fedex doing something interesting. Telling stories. Real stories. Of their employees going the extra step to serve customers. They use satellite imagery - let you pick out anyplace on the globe where they have tagged - you click on it, and a story from that location is displayed. Not a pdf - or classic customer success story format. But a visually appealing, textually minimalistic, powerful example of some world-class storytelling. Web2.0 - Sales2.0 - PR2.0. Looks like we have a new 2.0. Customer Stories2.0 Check it out or go to http://www.fedexstories.com/

PR in the US is changing radically. The way companies communicate with customers, prospects and the media is evolving so rapidly it's hard to explain sometimes in a simple, easy-to-understand manner. But this video does a great job of it. PRWeb - A Vocus Service from Jiyan on Vimeo .

Anyone that has ever watched the movie Patton knows it starts out with an incredible speech. A speech that was an excerpt of many words General Patton actually used with his troops. Moving, politically incorrect and visceral. What if he were alive today?

David Meerman Scott , author of the best-seller "The New Rules of Marketing and PR," did a little riff on my Shoot the Donkey column. He got me thinking when he rhetori-sophmorically posed this question. "Can you think of any other B2B software companies that have a corporate spokes-donkey ?" David - I checked. There aren't. Lots of Asses There are a lot of run of the mill average corporate asses (ACA's). But No Sharp-Dressers But no trendy, hip, sharp-dressing, corporate Spokes-donkeys like mine. My Donkey (Donkey O'Tee is his real name) wears a lot of different hats too ( see slide show ) - and is a world class master of Pompously Obfuscating on Purpose. 2007 SLAP Award Winner! He's one of the main reasons I won this years coveted SLAP (acronym for S tupid, L aughable, A nal, P reposterous) award for wri ters.

On a Relentless Quest to Banish the Boring Business presentations are usually boring. Not usually. Almost always. Boring. Boring. Boring. 50-60-70 powerpoint slides full of corporate gobbledygook, meaningless diatribes and words drained of meaning. Poison Pills (PowerPoint) Hours wasted? Incalculable. America's productivity probably suffers a 20-30% daily deficiency, but not because of business meetings. But because of boring, useless meetings that took hours upon hours to prepare for, that have long agendas which are rarely followed, filled with multiple poison pills named ... Powerpoint slides. On the relentless quest to banish the boring and try something different in business meetings I ran across a new company called Animoto.com and their application. Now the Animoto guys probably never envisioned their application being used in a business environment (I asked -- they hadn't), but I saw it and thought, what the hell? I gave it a try. Animoto Easy Took me about 5 minutes ...

Been testing out some new applications for presentations. PowerPoint is boring. So I worked up a quickie for my Corporate Spokes-Donkey (don't ask), using Slide.com. Pretty easy to work with. Slow on the upload some times. Each time you change music or images you have to go back and change the speed of the presentation and save the captions (if you have captions) of the images you use. Annoying, but workable. Nice selection of themes and music. I mixed and matched a heap of images with a great song that I'd never heard of. Look close ... you'll see a classic PowerPoint Punt. Anyway ... Here are some Classic Donkeys

From personal experience and conversations with many experts in the field, there is reasonable agreement that most corporate sales, marketing and PR lingo suffers from "The Four Too’s." Too wordy Too complex Too confusing Too valueless Agree or Disagree? Why is that? Essentially it boils down to: Trying to be all things to all people at all times Not knowing you can’t be all things to all people at all times Trying to sound really sophisticated, cool, intelligent, intricate and inclusive And finally, the biggie, not understanding your customer/buyer. For example, in a recent technology analyst study of executives who were likely to buy enterprise software, it was discovered that large ERP vendors promoted speeds, feeds and technology innovation to their marketplace. These promotions more often than not entail lengthy and wordy descriptive obfuscations (yes, I know what it mea...

The Letter All Writers Want to Write … But Don't Have the Squareballs One particular day, after receiving a rejection letter (the first among many that I’ve never acknowledged) I got a little ticked. I mean, c'mon, I just spent three months banging out 120 pages of the best screenplay America has never seen . A classic. A beaut. It has the heart of “Rocky,” the cherubic innocence of “Forrest Gump” and the underlying spirituality of “Gandhi.” (You are now getting very, very sleepy ... think “ Acceptance Bridge ,” and get your checkbook out.) A quick sale for sure. I'll be fair and take mid-seven figures against eight. Win-win! That's my motto. But ... what do I get? A form letter. But not just any form letter. A little, personalized, scribbled note was attached. It said, “You're a good writer, but no real producer would touch this. Too much spirituality at the end. Think mo...

Book Digest: Summarizing Books with Buzz for Busy People Too busy to read? Or like me ... reading challenged? Interested in hearing great lessons and takeaways in a shortened format from the best and latest books? My good friend Nettie Hartsock just launched a new Podcast series you should check out. Nettie's podcast gives listeners the Cliff Notes™ version of the books everyone is talking about. Get reviews, key insights, special author interviews, NY Times and Wall St. Journal bestsellers and the best independently published books. She even gives her audience a special recommendation for a fiction book or two for relaxing weekend reading. Stop by and have a listen. Below are links to the first two episodes. Go Nettie! Episode 1: “Growing Great Employees”, “POP: Stand Out in Any Crowd”, “Fired Up or Burned Out”, “The Lay of the Land”. This episode features business books: Growing Great Employees POP: Stand Out ...

My Darling, Is That Manure Stick You Have on? Some world-class marketing screw-ups by Steve Kayser, Cincom's Expert Access Editor and PR Manager Marketing. Advertising. Is there any more expensive way to throw away money with such arrogant disregard for common sense? Or, to do it with such condescending, confounding, disparate, and creative personalities? Is there any more effective way to get people to scratch their heads with befuddled looks and say, "What marketing bonehead thought up that commercial?" But, Steve, aren't you a marketing bonehead? Obviously the reader doesn't know me. Do I look like a marketing bonehead to you? No ... well, maybe. Sorta. Okay. I confess. Occasionally I delve into marketing. And yes, I occasioanlly have to lump myself in with the knuckleheads referenced above. But, recently I watched several commercials that absolutely floored me. Totally nonsensical, beyond ...

A DOG Fight for Justice A Non-Symbolic, Non-Mythological, Real-Life Hero's Journey by Steve Kayser If It Were You? If you faced a critical moment in your life, a choice - that would forever define you - between doing right, wrong or nothing at all, what would you do? You hope you would do the right thing; you'd act. But what if you did and it blew up in your face? What Would You Do? If you thought you did the right thing, the absolute right thing, the only thing, could you handle being thrown in jail and face years in prison in a foreign country for it? Losing everything you had? And, to top it off, your own government abandoned you simply for trying to do right? This is one such story. A journey. The late, great Joseph Campbell would call it a classic Hero's Journey . But he dealt in myths. Symbolic narratives. Mythology. This is real life. It's a tale of two countries, a donkey and a dog. Yesteryear Today " It was the best ...