Friday, September 12, 2008

Overcoming Adversity: Lessons and Blessings

To win at business or life, adversity has to be encountered, faced, fought and defeated. There is no other way. No options. You either beat it, or it beats you. Win, or you lose.

Simple. Right?

No.

Lessons and Blessings

It's never black and white. Never win or lose. Something always bleeds over. Always. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. Sometimes a little of both. But hopefully each experience brings with it lessons and blessings - even if you don't know it at the time.

This is one such story ... but I didn't know it at the time.


Another Winning Loser

Several years ago I was turned down for the CEO position at a well-known hosiery company. Now granted, I didn’t have much (any) experience in the creation, production, marketing, sales or distribution supply chain of the hosiery industry, but being of the gender I am, I was quite certain I could articulate the benefits and unique selling proposition (USP) of the product in a compelling and profitable way.

Upon rejection (there was some confusion upon my departure. The mistaken impression that I was ejected from the premises may have been surmised had one been watching), I forlornly began wandering the streets of Cincinnati, with my head drooped just about level with my navel.

Walking like this has some disadvantages. Clarity of vision is one. I ran into something hard, looked up, and before me was … an apparition, an event, a pre-destined meeting, a saint.

A woman in a wheelchair.

But Steve, you say to yourself, that’s not terribly uncommon. A little melodramatic aren’t you?

No.

She had no legs.

And …

No arms.

She controlled the operation of her motorized wheelchair by blowing through a tube.

I was humbled. Dropped low. Deep. My problems were now nothing but a smashed proton in the unfathomable singularity of a black hole.

She was navigating the sidewalks of Cincinnati by herself.

Alone.

To educate people unfamiliar with Cincinnati on how daunting a task this can be, Cincinnati sidewalks were built before sidewalks had been imagined and possibly even before the invention of the wheel. A rut in the sidewalk is typically referred to as an “improvement.”

Cincinnati Sidewalk Improvement

I saw her get ready to enter a building and leapt forward to open the door. As I did, she spoke, my apparition, my saint, with an angelic voice.

“Hey, Bozo, what do you think I am some useless quadriplegic?” she said.

I guess even saints have rough days.

Term of Endearment

I considered the reference to me as “Bozo (the clown)” as a term of endearment.

Why?

My face had turned absolute white, my nose vivid red, my hair popped out like a bad 70’s Afro (I used to have a good 70’s Afro … I know the difference).

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to help.”

“You want to help? Get in here and buy something.”

She was the owner of the shop.

And, in one of those weird synchronicities not fully explained, but hinted at in Einstein’s Special Theory of Relativity, she sold, you guessed it, women’s apparel. Mostly hosiery.

Her name was Antonia Maria, and that’s all the personal history I ever really learned about her.

Market Research

I was so overwhelmed, humbled, and awed at the obvious obstacles and adversity that Antonia Maria was overcoming daily, if not nanosecond-by-nanosecond, that I bought 37 pair of every imaginable type of hosiery (under the guise of real-time market research for my next hosiery CEO job application).

Her eyebrows arched a bit (well, maybe more than a bit) when I piled them up on the counter.

And, with my usual sophisticated schmoozing aplomb

I explained I had an extended family.

“Lots of females,” said I.

For nearly a year, once a week, I stopped by her shop and bought hose. We became Forrest and Bubba Gump-ette close.

“Hey Bozo.”

“Hey Antonia Maria.”

Each visit was an inspiration. A lifting up, not sad, not melancholy, but a moving, life-affirming, sharing of the human spirit and journey. To trek through this world as she did, daily overcoming the obstacles (physical, economic and social) and adversity she faced … was truly amazing.

Occasionally she’d catch me in a mathematical obfuscation.

“How many females in your extended family?”

“28.”

“Was 25 last week.”

“Newborns … you know, the woman thing.”

Right Thing. Right Time.

In addition, she was quite the enterprising entrepreneur, having an in-depth, innate grasp of contextual marketing concepts. Antonia Maria had the incredible knack of saying the right thing, at the right time, to the right person, to move them deep into the buying cycle.

“I’m guessing you’ll need a few extra pair of hose this week then?”

I nodded.

I Am Rude and Dumb

I am rude and dumb. Yes, I admit. I could not, often times, refrain from staring at her when I felt she wasn’t looking. I wondered how she did it.

How she coped.

How she smiled.

How she woke each day and got out of bed to go to work.

And a million other “hows” that crossed my misfiring neurons.

Then, it was over.

She disappeared.

Her shop closed. No signs. No explanations. No forwarding address. I inquired, but no one knew anything. I hesitated to do any extensive investigation for fear of what I might learn.

The Eyes Have It

It’s said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. If that’s true, Antonia Maria’s soul was on fire. Her iridescent brown-green eyes absorbed and expressed life. Faith. Spirit. Strength. Hope.

To this very moment, I remember everything about Antonia Maria. Everything so incredibly resilient, hopeful, happy, glad and beautiful she ever said.

How did she do it?

I don’t know.

I’m not smart enough to answer that. Never will be.

I couldn’t do it.

I do know that she had a vigorous life-affirming charismatic spirit that shone through all her adversities. She had a heart wider than the Grand Canyon that would take on any issue with uncharacteristic straight-forwardness. And …

Never

Not once, let me repeat this, not once, did she ever complain about … or for that matter even explain, her physical condition.

If I had to guess how she did it?

Spirit. Heart. Guts. Faith … and life-enabling technologies.

The technological marvels wrought by industry research, development, application and availability that enabled Antonia Maria to face, fight, defeat and triumph over her physical obstacles were, unless you actually saw it, almost ineffable. Every person and company associated, in any way, with these technological donkey- shooting, life-enabling wonders, epitomizes the oft-quoted lines:

Time passed.

Eventually our relationship had a downside that ultimately gave me the opportunity and skills to overcome an adverse moment in life. Last month, my wife, grandmother, daughter and aunt were rummaging through my basement workshop for “yard sale” items.

They found 2,093 pair of hose.

When confronted by this gathering storm of frumpettes, I quickly used my marketing abilities to “reposition” this disturbing find and utilized a UES (Unique Explanation Statement) touting the find as in-depth “market-research.”

This was supposed to overcome the obstacle of false impression embedded in their minds.

It failed. Utterly.

Miserably.

Only one supporter swallowed the UES - my dog, Tolstoy.

(Named so not because he looks like Tolstoy, but because he always backs me during war or peace … provided he receives his weekly stipend of Scooby snacks.)

But being the absolute ruler and king of the castle, I decided to imperiously tell them to mind their own business.

Lunch anyone?

That didn’t work either. No go.

Takes

So, I confronted this impending doom of an adverse moment, and took decisive action. I grabbed the donkey by the horns and used a tried-and-true tactic. One that Venture Capitalists use almost daily.

It worked.

The tactic?

The Exit Strategy.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Query Letter All Writers Want to Write ... But Don't Have the Squareballs

By Steve Kayser, Squareballs Entertainment


One particular day, after receiving a rejection letter (the first among many that I’ve never acknowledged) I got a little ticked. I mean, c'mon, I just spent three months banging out 120 pages of the best screenplay America has never seen.

A classic.

A beaut.


Super SWEEEEEEEEET!


I mean Robert McKee would actually be nice to me if he read it. He'd call Acceptance Bridge "a symphonic unity in which structure, setting, character, genre, and idea meld seamlessly." Ok. probably not. But Robert McKee has been nice to me before. Did a story with me. Mentioned something about being charitable to any mentally challenged screenwriters in Cincinnati.


AHHHHHH


Acceptance Bridge.


It has the heart of “Rocky,” the cherubic innocence of “Forrest Gump” and the underlying spirituality of “Gandhi.” (You are now getting very, very sleepy ... think “Acceptance Bridge,” and get your checkbook out.)

A quick sale for sure.


I'll be fair and take mid-seven figures against eight.


Win-win!


That's my motto.


But ... what do I get?


A form letter.


You know you work hard... and you really do get rewarded.


But... it wasn't just any form letter.


A little, personalized, scribbled note was attached.

It said,

“You're a good writer, but no real producer would touch this. Too much spirituality at the end. Think more commercial. How about bankers ripping off some people? And chases. Car crashes. Viruses. Diseases. They're big right now. Oh - special effects. Magic. Need that too. Movies are all about special effects now. Don’t be such a smart writer. Dumb it down some. Get some reviews from someone too - someone with a title would be great. Define what demographic market your film appeals to, what merchandising opportunities and ancillary revenue streams could be available.”


Okay, reasonable advice. Right? It was followed by this little mentoring tidbit.


Cartoons as Structure


"Watch cartoons to guide your story structure
- they do it best. And watch movies where animals are the stars. Those are great dialogue-reducers. Relate it to movies you know. Something you can make a snap judgment on. Like “Legally Blonde” meets “Gandhi.” I am busy you know. Send me another query when you think you can meet my needs."

Squareballs Ponders Reasonable Advice

Dialogue-reducers?


Meet his needs?


Dumb it down?


Basement Balcony Beckons


I stifled the urge to hurl myself off the basement balcony. It was tough. Really.


I bit my tongue, but did not overdose on 33 cheese coneys with extra onions, peanut butter, chocolate jelly (my favorite), mayonnaise, jalapenos and nuclear hot sauce.


However, being the consummate professional ... I felt the need to follow up on his kind offer. In a very professional manner.


Here's what I wrote back … and just for yucks, sent out to 50 other producers. (You think I'm kidding?)
_______________________________________________________________________

Dear Omniscient, All-Seeing, All-Knowing, Producer:

I have a recently completed screenplay titled "Pig and Turkey” - a classic como-drama that I would like to submit to your company for consideration.

Dialogue Reducers Introduced


Think Babe and Woody Woodpecker freeing Willie.

A pig and a turkey join together to save their farm from an unscrupulous banker who is trying to foreclose on the property because he wants to turn it into a non-profit gambling casino.

Brings in the Banker and Disease Simultaneously (and brilliantly I might add)


The banker leaks to the press that "Mad Turk’s Disease" has infested the animals on the property.

Mad Turk’s Disease is an awful virus that makes your hair and nails fall out, causes you to get really disgustingly big facial warts, engenders disgustingly bad breath and uncontrollable flatulence.

The Dastardly Banker


The banker tricks them into jumping the Grand Canyon on a tricycle with two wheels saying he will stop foreclosure if they complete the leap. The leap is televised worldwide (Pay Per View).


The dastardly banker saws the ramp in half and Pig and Turkey are hurled head and beak-first into the Grand Canyon to a certain death.

A terrible, gut-wrenching moment, sure to bring tears to anyone with the least bit of a heart.


Magic and Special Effects Covered


Just when Death opens its jaws wide to receive them, Turkey finds her wings and transmogrifies like a caterpillar into ... … a bald eagle, but not just any bald eagle.

“Eagle Kneivel”

saving Pig and their farm.

Brings in Joseph Campbell


Pig and Turkey fight heroically to save their home and way of life while exhibiting upstanding morals and fulfilling the heroes’ mythical journey.

Pig and Turkey Fast and Furious (see the sequel potential you visionaries?)


Pig and Turkey zoom toward an unbelievable climax in a 32-car chase scene throughout 51 states (including Puerto Rico).


Great Review

My great-grandmother, Elsie Grunewald, a retired English teacher and author of 11 unpublished novels, thoroughly reviewed the screenplay and thought it was the best thing she’s read since “War and Peace” By Leonardo Coldstoy.

She has prepared in-depth critiques and analyses for your review, and she has also meticulously choreographed the camera shots. POV by POV.


Tremendous Opportunity Spelled Out


To whom may I send this terrific, sure to be a runaway Academy Award winner nominee, 297 1/2 page screenplay?


Oops – Almost Forgot Demographics and Ancillary Revenue Streams

And ... did I forget to mention that it will appeal to the family audience and has great ancillary market revenue potential utilizing dolls, toys, bacon, lettuce, and turkey sandwiches sold through ... probably McDonald's?

Regards, Steve


P.S. Contact me at my Grandma's house. Collect.

Now is that a piece of work or what?

Sucks doesn't it?

I got 10 requests to read the damn thing.

About Steve Kayser


Although Steve has won multiple screenwriting awards and publishes an award-winning B2B e-zine with 135,000 subscribers, he is currently busy recruiting handsome, intelligent, bilingual pigs to audition for the lead part in “Pig and Turkey.”


If you are a handsome, intelligent, bilingual pig and are looking to break into acting, this may be your big chance. Contact Steve at skbigm@gmail.com


****Disclaimer****


NO EGOS! Must be able to get along with a turkey who saves the day … at least until Thanksgiving!



Saturday, September 6, 2008

MAD Men, MAD Donkeys and the Origins of the Kilt


I'm asked a lot about the Kilt I wear.

Do I really wear one? If so, why? And why don't I shave my legs?

Good questions, all.


To be completely honest I started wearing the kilt after I lost a bet. One I was sure I would win. In fact, I stacked the odds so I would win. So much for my mathematical pretensions.

The "bet" started while writing an in-depth article with legendary creative impresario Ken Sutherland. It was about marketing and advertising stupidities, hilarities and some surprising successes encountered through the years in his career.

Ken has won numerous awards for marketing, advertising, and music, including: four Clios, more than 300 Gold Addys, two Gold Camera Awards, three Cine Golden Eagle Awards, two IBC Awards, and the London International Advertising Award. He’s also been voted to Ad Week Magazine’s All-Star Creative Team.

The article with Ken was fun. Educational, informative, lots of lessons learned from being burned. And some real scary, death-defying ( not TV death) moments of ... danger, that made me fall over laughing.

The title of the article was "Marketing & Advertising Donkeys (MAD) ... Shoot 'Em If You Got 'Em." And, it has stood the test of time. But -- a while after it was published some big-time media producers and execs in the TV industry cribbed the brilliant idea and concept of the MAD DONKEYS and turned it into hit TV drama "Mad Men."*

I predated the story concept by 2 years. Even the "MAD" part of the title. But I'm not MAD. In fact, I'm GLAD when anyone makes it with a concept I didn't flesh out and market properly. Actually, I took it like a man when I saw the title of first trailer and episode.

But - back to the bet. While doing the story with Ken, I made a bet with him on the naming of one of his projects - a huge mural in Dallas - largest actually in the state of Texas.

I asked him what he was going to call it.

He said "The Mural."

I assumed he was kidding about naming it “The Mural.” I mean what kind of uncreative, linear, inane and completely boring name is that? Especially from a creative impresario?

Right? You do agree, don’t you?

I mean … a no-brainer. Right?

Okay. It’s a descriptive name. No doubt what it means. But c’mon. “The Mural?”

So, he said "Bet?"

I said "Bet!" (we're both loquacious)

I bet it was named something else.

Then -- he whipped out a newspaper article. Showed it to me - it was about "The Mural."

I lost. That really was the damn name.

"The Mural."

But

I propose that, in a way, I won and was correct. It’s technically called “The Mural,” with caps and italicized. However, after an intellectual discussion of the various nuances and technical implications with Ken (which included a scene very much similar to this link), I, in the spirit of magnanimity, agreed that, indeed, he had won the bet (although, as stated earlier, technically I think capitalized and italicized letters do change the context of the name, therefore the essence of the name).

The bet?


Me wearing a kilt. I took it like a man ... if real men do wear kilts. I wore the revolting thing.

Interestingly enough, a size sixteen kilt fits me just dandy, the plaid design makes me look a little thinner … I’m keen on them now. They're sweet.

But … that was only one part of the bet.

The second part entailed me … riding a mechanical bull. It was a stellar learning experience in marketing and advertising.

The sight touched the heart of the assembled masses at Billy Bob’s Bronco Bull Riding Bar and Grille so much so that I was motivated to move as quickly as I have ever done to assure my lifelong dream (and to live a long life), which was, at that point ... getting out of Dallas alive.


So - that's the Kilt answer.


Now, do you want to see where Mad Men really got their start? From the MAD Donkeys article?** Here's the original story ---


Marketing & Advertising Donkeys (MAD) ... Shoot 'Em If You Got 'Em



END:

* Creative speculation
** Super creative speculation.

Friday, September 5, 2008

The DaDonkey Code!

Dare You Try to Solve …

Decipher the Da Donkey Code and win a “Shoot the Donkey” ball cap!

High-Fashion Object of Desire

That’s right, you’ll be on the cutting-edge of the elite fashion vanguard, considered the eclectic gravitas of chic, the future rage of out-of-vogue, and … you’ll be able to proudly, pompously,

March to Your Own Donkey

in a radical reinterpretation of cool … your high-fashion object of desire …
the
ball cap.

Just fill in the blanks (if you can … it’s Byzantium tough though).

Enter: The Da Donkey Code

A S_ _ _ _ (5 letters) murder during b_ _ _ _ _ _ _ (8 letters) h_ _ _ _ (5 letters) at the L_ _ _ _ (5 letters) museum is discovered by the "Honorable First Donkey" of the complex sale, S_ _ _ (4 letters) P_ _ _ _ (5 letters). It reveals a sinister plot to hide b_ _ _ _ _ _ _ (8 letters) v_ _ _ _ (5 letters) behind a non-clandestine use of c_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (9 letters) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ k (12 letters). The victim is _ _ _, (3 letters) an immensely important, high-ranking VIP. At the scene, the Honorable First Donkey finds a cryptic clue that will solve c_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ (9 letters) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ k (12 letters) forever.

Can you solve the Da Donkey Code?

T_ _ _ A _ _ _ _ _ R_ _ _ _ _ A _ _ O_ _ _ _ _ _ _ to Y_ _ _ S _ _ _ _ _. S_ _ _ _ t _ _ D_ _ _ _ _

If you figure it out? Contact me - You'll win a DaDonkey Hat!

Five Types of People That Should Help You Do the PowerPoint Punt

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I recently received an e-mail from a reader espousing the benefits and yes, even absolute necessity, of using PowerPoint slides during sales presentations (see see below).

"Steve! No way you can give a sales presentation without PowerPoint. Business people expect it ... demand it!

You must be a marketing bonehead!"

Obviously the reader doesn’t know me.

Do I look like a marketing bonehead?

But, the vehemence and hard-core fanaticism of the reader’s comments (which I do not include here due to my civil nature) made me rethink my position.

That’s right.

I might quite possibly have been wrong. As hard as that is for me to admit, it’s true.

I’m flip-flopping. With a slight qualification.

If you can pass the PowerPoint Presentation Proof-of-Pudding Test below, you are one of those rarefied elites.

A superhero among PowerPoint presenters. (That includes anyone that uses PowerPoint slides to present an argument or presentation of a project, business case, or intelligent information.)

Can you really give a presentation without PowerPoint slides?

Maybe.

It depends.

Dare you take the PowerPoint Proof-of-Pudding Test?

The next presentation you give or attend, take note of what occurs after PowerPoint slide number five is swiped/swished onto the screen. Unless you really are "da man," the Steven Spielberg of the sales presentation, 99 percent of the people in attendance will fall into one of the following descriptive categories:

1. The Mighty E-mail Master Multi-tasker (MEMM)

The MEMM reads their e-mail on desktops, laptops, PDAs, or wireless (or all three at the same time) during your presentation. He looks up occasionally, feigns interest, may smile on the rare occasion and spews a few meaningless corporate acronyms to let you know he’s in the room, then … puts his head down, empties all e-mail folders - including sent, draft, and trash - and proceeds to the nearest online sports or horoscope web page.

*A special note on the MEMM. MEMMs tend to be the most vociferous critic of the presentation after you leave. They can clearly and concisely detail the flaws in any presentation to which they don’t pay attention.

2. The Diligent Dutiful Drone (DDD)

The DDD stares, smiles, nods, drinks, and laughs on rare occasions (keep your distance … could be flatulence) and most closely resembles a display-case manikin. What’s nice about the DDD is:

A. They smile and make you feel a little better about yourself, and

B. They have ZERO influence.

They don’t want to be there.

• You’re boring.

• You’re lying.

• They know it.

But, they’re masters of the art of being actively employed while daydreaming.

3. The Game Player (GP)

A real classic. I like him. Type "A" introverted extrovert. Flips open the laptop, occasionally tries to hide online game-playing activities, but goes to no great effort. Looks up every five to seven minutes and convincingly nods understanding of complex technology, processes and people issues. Has canned industry-analyst quotes or research that is prattled off machine-gun style in the blink of a PowerPoint swish. The GP can typically play between three to five online games at one time, within communities ranging from 2,000 to 4,000 users; answer all attacks; and defend and super-power-pack energizing, life-protecting, virtual-shield questions via Instant Messenger (IM) in less than one second. Very efficient.

4. The D*mn Data Destroyer (3-D)

The 3-D may smile occasionally and has insidiously iridescent eyes and a serial-killer smile that yells, "What lie are you telling?" The 3-D exuberantly researches each fact you use in your presentation and typically has between 800 to 1,000 search engines at his disposal intelligently configured to automate the process of destroying your credibility. His success rate is over 90 percent. Keys to look for: Sometime after PowerPoint slide #10 of your presentation, if he has failed to find a factual misstatement, his eyes turn a glowing red and some spittle or drool visibly emanate. Steer clear … 3-D is extremely dangerous.

5. The "ME-ME," or the "I’m Much Too Important to Be Here"

The most irritating of presentation attendees, ME-ME, answers all e-mails, never looks up, never pays attention, and takes all cellphone calls while in the meeting. The only courtesy extended to you is turning around backwards to bend over while talking to the auto-repair shop on the cellphone. Sometimes ME-ME even stoops to feigning a cellphone call by testing the ringer … "Sorry, I have to take this very important, business-critical call."

WARNING! ME-ME is just as dangerous as 3-D. To be able to pull off this offensively rude behavior, ME-ME actually has some power and/or authority. Me-Me is predisposed to not liking your presentation most probably because it wasn’t a ME-ME idea.

Therefore it stinks.

And so do you.

You recognized the categories didn’t you?

Didn’t you?

You did?

You flunked.

But that’s okay. Everyone does.

However, have you given a PowerPoint presentation presentation without seeing one of them?

If so … YOU ARE ELIGIBLE FOR:

THE POWERPOINT PASSIONATE PRESENTATION PRESENTER’S HALL OF FAME!


Currently there are no members …. you’d be the first.

If you flunked the test …

Do the PowerPoint Punt!

Throw your 58-slide, PowerPoint presentations and reverse-flash, creative swipe/swish, corporate-acronym Bin Laden gobbledygook out the fourth-story window.

Try something else.

Get creative.

END

Related Links:



About Steve Kayser: Steve is currently Cincom's Expert Access Editor and PR Manager. In his spare time, Steve models kilts for Un-Vanity, Non-GQ and The Manly Kilt Wearing Man’s monthly magazines. Steve also headlines fundraising events for his run at an Olympic Gold Medal in the kilt-wearing mechanical bull riding competition to be held in Cincinnati, Ohio in 2050. For more info, you can contact Steve at skayser@cincom.com


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Shhhh! Listen to the Deaf Man's Symphony

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Listen and Find Your Way to Freedom


Mosha was once a dark-haired beauty. But now,
a black hollowness surrounded her eyes. And she was death-camp, stick-figure thin.

She was death-camp, stick-figure thin because that's where she was.

Her face was swollen and bruised.

Beatings were her daily bread.

Mosha was a classical piano teacher. Loved Beethoven.

Mosha had been teaching a student Moonlight Sonata when they came for her. They shot and killed her student but kept her alive. One needs classical music such as Beethoven’s, to uplift the soul and keep spirits soaring when working in a death camp. So they kept her alive.

The Nazi officers asked her to play for them.

She refused.

They asked her.

She refused.

Music was not for a death camp.

And Beethoven was sacred.

So they placed both of her hands on a rock. Took turns, made a game out of gaily breaking her fingers, one by one, with their rifle butts.



She could have played.

She could have given in.

Instead she defied.

Music was so sacred to her.

She made her stand, sprawled on the ground in agony. But she didn’t give up her sacred gift. She held onto it. Tighter than to life itself.

And when, through the haze of a misery beyond comprehension, her fleeing life parting death's lips, she would hear, or think she heard, Beethoven’s music being played in the officer’s club, she stirred … and would say in her teacher’s voice:

Shush! Be quiet now and listen to the deaf man’s symphony.

If you listen as he did, you will hear the way to freedom.” - Mosha


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Power Of STORY in the Complex Sale - Not For Whiners or Losers!

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Steve Kayser interviews Robert McKee, legendary guru of Hollywood storytelling and the best-selling author of "STORY."

Competitive Advantage in the Complex Sale.

Everyone wants it. Challengers need it.

Losers whine about it.

Winners have it.

How do you get it? And ...

What’s love got to do with it?

Read on my friends …

What follows is an innovative approach to the Complex Sale following the Shoot the Donkey format and incorporating the key Shoot the Donkey principle of:

"Taking decisive action to remove all obstacles to success."

Robert McKee, the best-selling author of "STORY" and legendary guru of Hollywood storytelling, is going to concisely explain in an earthy, easy-to-understand interview, how Story principles can be used to help you stun, dazzle and communicate effectively in the Complex-Sale process.

What does he know about Story?

His students have garnered:

19 Academy Awards
110 Emmy Awards
20 WGA Awards
16 DGA Awards

85+ Nominations
426+ Nominations
72+ Nominations
45+ Nominations

Then, I’m going to tell you what love’s got to do with it.

But first … what is a Complex Sale?

The Complex Sale typically refers to a high-value purchase of products or services, $150,000 in value and up. It typically involves a Buyer's Committee, consisting of anywhere from three to 12 people … or more. To be successful, you must be able to persuasively communicate to multiple decision-makers, multiple departments, and multiple organizations.

It’s tough.

Even if your product or service is the best - features, functions, service, cost, value, etc. - if it’s not effectively communicated to the multiple and disparate personalities on the buying committee …

You lose.

Even if you’re good, if your message doesn’t resonate, touch, move, or persuade your audience to act, it’s just a waste of your time and your money. So what decisive action can you take to remove those obstacles to your success to close the Complex Sale?

Three “M's.”

Make me laugh. Make me cry. Make me move.

Stand out.

Steve, you moron. That’s simplistic. Everyone knows that. The question is how?

Story. Tell a story.

Throw your 58-slide, PowerPoint presentations and reverse-flash, creative swipe/swish, corporate-acronym Bin Laden gobbledygook out the fourth-story window.

Kiss corporate–acronym, Bin Laden gobbledygook PowerPoints goodbye.


A presentation without PowerPoint slides?

Remember … I said tell a good story. Tell it well. I’m not talking about disingenuous, contextually sophisticated, unprincipled corporate gobbledygook. (Say that fast three times.)

Boring. Boring. Boring.

Whatever you’re doing now with your PowerPoints … it’s not communicating, inspiring, or motivating - it’s not even remotely interesting.

Oh … wait a minute. You’re different. Right? You’re good? You da man? You’re the Steven Spielberg of the complex-sale presentation?

Bet?

Dare you take the PowerPoint proof-of-pudding test?

The next sales presentation you give or attend, take note of what occurs after PowerPoint slide number five is swipe/swished onto the screen. Unless you really are da man, the Steven Spielberg of the complex-sale presentation, 90 percent of the people in attendance will fall into one of the following descriptive categories:

1. The Mighty E-mail Master Multi-tasker (MEMM)

The MEMM reads their e-mail on desktops, laptops, PDAs, or wireless (or all three at the same time) during your presentation. Looks up occasionally, feigns interest, may smile on the rare occasion and spew a few meaningless corporate acronyms to let you know he’s in the room, then … puts his head down, empties all e-mail folders - including sent, draft, and trash - and proceeds to the nearest online sports or horoscope web page.

*A special note on the MEMM. Tends to be the most vociferous critic of the presentation after you leave. Can clearly and concisely detail the flaws in any presentation to which they don’t pay attention.

2. The Diligent Dutiful Drone (DDD)

The DDD stares, smiles, nods, drinks, and laughs on rare occasions (keep your distance … could be flatulence) and most closely resembles a display-case manikin. What’s nice about the DDD is:

a.) They smile and make you feel a little better about yourself, and

b.) They have ZERO influence.

They don’t want to be there.

• You’re boring.

• You’re lying.

• They know it.

But, they’re masters of the art of being actively employed while daydreaming.

3. The Game Player (GP)

A real classic. I like him. Type “A” introverted extrovert. Flips open the laptop, occasionally tries to hide online game-playing activities but goes to no great effort. Looks up every five to seven minutes and convincingly nods understanding of complex technology, processes and people issues. Has canned industry-analyst quotes or research that is prattled off machine-gun style in the blink of a PowerPoint swish. The GP can typically play between three to five online games at one time, within communities ranging from 2,000 to 4,000 users; answer all attacks; defend and super-power-pack energizing, life-protecting, virtual-shield questions via Instant Messenger (IM) in less than one second. Very efficient.

4. The D*mn Data Destroyer (3-D)

The 3-D may smile occasionally and has insidiously iridescent eyes and a serial-killer smile that yells, “What lie are you telling?” The 3-D exuberantly researches each fact you use in your presentation and typically has between 800 to 1,000 search engines at his disposal intelligently configured to automate the process of destroying your credibility. He success rate is over 90 percent. Keys to look for: Sometime after PowerPoint slide #10 of your presentation, if he has failed to find a factual misstatement, his eyes turn a glowing red and some spittle or drool visibly emanate. Steer clear … 3-D is extremely dangerous.

5. The “ME-ME,” or the “I’m Much Too Important to Be Here”

The most irritating of the complex-sales presentation attendees, ME-ME answers all e-mails, never looks up, never pays attention, and takes all cell-phone calls while in the meeting. The only courtesy extended to you is turning around backwards to bend over while talking to the auto repair shop on the cell phone. Sometimes ME-ME even stoops to feigning a cell-phone call by testing the ringer … “Sorry, I have to take this very important, business-critical call.”

WARNING! ME-ME is just as dangerous as 3-D. To be able to pull off this offensively rude behavior, ME-ME actually has some power and/or authority. Me-Me is predisposed to not liking your presentation most probably because it wasn’t a ME-ME idea.

Therefore it stinks.

And so do you.

You recognized the categories didn’t you?

I’m right.

You know it. Admit it.

Each of these people categories and activities is an obstacle to your success. Let’s try an innovative approach (unless you’re a Me-Me) to move people out of categories 1-5 into, as Jim Carey in the movie “MASK” puts it, a "They love me! "They really Love me!" category.


Enter Robert McKee:

“Universally Acclaimed”The New York Times

“Near Legendary”The Washington Post

Robert McKee is the most widely known and respected screenwriting lecturer in the world today.

His former students' accomplishments are unparalleled. Some recent, notable, former students to win or be nominated for Oscars include: Akiva Goldsman (Winner - Best Writing: Adapted Screenplay) for his screenplay "A Beautiful Mind," Peter Jackson (writer/director of "Lord of the Rings I and II," Nominated - Best Picture), and many others.

Stories written, directed, or produced by students of Robert McKee include:

“Air Force One,” “Cheers,” “Shrek,” “The Color Purple,” “Crimson Tide,” “The Deer Hunter,” “The Elephant Man,” “ER,” “Forrest Gump” (my all-time favorite – an idiot triumphs!), “Gandhi,” “M*A*S*H,” “On Golden Pond,” “Saving Private Ryan,” “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,” “Sleepless in Seattle,” “The X-Files,” “A Time to Kill,” “Toy Story I and II,” and more.

Quincy Jones, Kirk Douglas, Dominick Dunne, and William Goldman write glowing testimonials not only to the book, STORY, but the man as well.

Robert McKee Knows Story.

McKee was also recently portrayed by Emmy Award-winning actor Brian Cox in Columbia Pictures' four-time Oscar-nominated, "Adaptation." The film follows the life of screenwriter Charlie Kaufman (played by Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage) who is trying to adapt the novel The Orchid Thief into a screenplay. Under a deadline from the film company to hand in his script, Cage turns to Robert McKee and the Story Seminar for inspiration to complete his screenplay. The film also stars Oscar-winning actress Meryl Streep and Chris Cooper, who won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for "Adaptation."

Charlie Kaufman (Nicolas Cage) seeks advice from Robert McKee (Brian Cox)

INTERVIEW:

Steve (S): Thanks for taking the time to be with us today.

Robert (R): Sure.

S: How can the principles of Story work in the Complex-Sales presentation? How can it be used to resonate and touch disparate groups with different agendas, goals, and prejudices, while at the same time, connecting the intellect - making good economic business sense?

R: First, why is it so complex?

S: Good question … the complexity of the products and services, and the buying committees have forced salespeople to communicate with a lot of different types and groups of people - users, business types, programmers, etc. To accomplish this, it usually turns into a 58-slide PowerPoint presentation laden with meaningless corporate acronyms to address every aspect of the individual’s wants/needs on the buyer’s committee … too much info.

And, the fact of the matter is, there are a lot of products and services that can solve their problems. There’s really not a lot of difference. The key should be the sales presentation ... effectively communicating simply the economic business value and connecting on an emotional level with the people.

R: You know, I’ve been in situations where writers are pitching their stories, right? They’re trying to sell their screenplay. Most executives are so busy that they would rather have the writer come in and pitch the story in 10 minutes before they decide whether they want to spend two or three hours reading it. So the pitch has to go well. I’ve seen writers come in and they’re charming, they’re funny, they do this brilliant song and dance about their story that they have obviously rehearsed and polished and then tell their story virtually tap dancing on your desk. And I have also had writers come in that were not very good. Not good! They were scared to death. They were very shy. They weren’t comfortable around people. They couch and choke their story out and … you know it’s brilliant.

S: But, how, or why, do you know the story is brilliant?

R: Because you listen to the story and no matter how badly the guy performs it, you go “that’s a great story.” You’re fascinated by the sudden story surprises and revelations – although the delivery may not be there.

S: What about the charming funny guy?

R: Mr. Charm? You listen to his story and you know he’d better be charming because his story is a piece of crap if you actually listen to what’s being said. In the great play and the film Death of a Salesman, Willy Loman talked about always having a shine on your shoes and a smile on you face … but he’s a terrible salesman and his family is starving.

Insight 1

If you’re out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

- Albert Einstein

R: But I do know, presuming that the people you’re trying to persuade are intelligent and are actually listening and not being influenced by the charm of the speaker, that there’s a powerful, compelling way to present effectively. Story.

S: Story? Can you explain what you mean when you say that? How would you incorporate Story principles into the Complex-Sales presentation?

R: There are two choices or methods of presentation. Rhetoric or Story. It’s all about persuasion, right? You’re trying to persuade someone to buy something. Or in the Complex-Sales setting, you’re trying to persuade a number of people at various levels involved in hierarchy of some organization. Rhetoric is the PowerPoint method where you present evidence in a certain order ... or what is known as an inductive argument, right?

S: The difference?

R: Rhetoric is statistics, facts, quotes from authorities, etc. Rhetoric recites this point, this fact, this industry-analyst quote, and then another point, ad infinitum, so therefore, mine is the best, the greatest, the one, the only, product and service that can do what you need.

S: Yes … so what’s wrong with that?

R: They know you’re lying! You lie in a rhetorical PowerPoint presentation by presenting the information in the most favorable light possible. The buyer knows you’re lying, because the buyer is a businessperson who knows that nothing is that rosy. You quote your industry analysts – they’ll refute your industry analysts with theirs.

Insight 2

I didn’t fib! I made a fable, like Aesop and those other guys.

- Dennis the Menace

R: Why expose your weaknesses? Why not conceal it? Because if you only give the positive side, they instinctively know you’re lying. Because why? Again, nothing is that good. The deep difference between presenting something rhetorically and creating it in a story ... is that in a story, it is a dynamic of positive and negative charges.

S: Example?

R: You start up a business and immediately you’ve got problems. You overcome those problems and take a step forward but new problems arise. You find ingenious ways to solve those problems only to discover that you have a competitor who’s got another product that does it better. You improve your product to be better than your competitor. It goes on. So when you tell a story, you can’t just hit positive, positive, positive.

In Story, you cannot hide the negative. In fact, it’s overcoming the negative that makes you powerful. It makes the positive even more positive in the eyes of the person whose hearing the story. Therefore, when you tell a story, admit problems and then dramatize the solution of those problems. Then cause new problems to arise. Dramatize the solution of those problems until you finally get to that positive climax. Because you’re admitting your negatives in front of them, it takes a lot of guts.

Insight 3

Admit the negative. Overcome. Give yourself the power.

R: They sit there saying:

“That’s right. That’s true. That’s what it’s like to be in a business environment. It’s not all positive. But this person is showing me how his product or his service will overcome those problems and how I will benefit.”

As a result, they feel that they’re being told the truth.

S: But couldn’t you be lying anyway?

R: Yes, you can lie in a story just as well. But when you tell stories, if you lie, the lies become evident quickly because of the interweaving of story and fact. When you tell it in PowerPoint, they know you’re lying. They just don’t know where. There’s a more important lesson here. You realize, well, that’s a lie! That’s crap. I wouldn’t buy that.

Insight 4

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

- Oscar Wilde

R: Preparing to tell your business case in a story forces you to confront the lie and search for the truth. You will catch yourself as you prepare for the presentation sloughing over certain problematic things. If you’ve really got guts, you won’t slough over them. You will admit them.

S: Why?

R: Because then you will show how even these very difficult problems are overcome. When you tell your story honestly and you don’t hide the negative, you tell it well. People sit there with their mouths open going, “my God, what guts.” Put them in the position to see how the negative is overcome. You’ll gain their trust. And, you will have also impressed the heck out of them because you’re an honest human being who knows the reality. A person who deals in reality, but has honestly dramatized the way in which these problems, that we all, as business people, know exist.

Insight 5

Impress them with your honesty. Expose the negatives. Gain their trust.

S: In STORY, you say Paddy Chayefsky told you once that when he’d discovered his story’s meaning he’d scratch it out on a scrap of paper and tape it to his typewriter so that nothing going through his typewriter would in one way or another express his central theme. A clear statement of Value and Cause. That seems like a logical first step in any story.

Insight 6

Discover your story’s meaning.

Make it your clear statement of Value and Cause

R: Yes. From there you’d take that same rhetorical presentation and dramatize it. Within the story there is rhetoric, there is information. The actual facts get woven into the story. Weave the information dramatically within a story. Leave them hanging. If you tell them a story that’s predictable, they’ll get ahead of you and lose interest. Tell a story that pits expectations vs. realities, and the struggles to overcome them. I believe great salesmen are by instinct, storytellers.

Insight 7

Pit expectations vs. realities.

Tell the struggle to overcome.

Leave them hanging.

S: And the foundation of a good storytelling Complex-Sales presentation is?

R: Research. The key to winning the war is research, taking time and effort to acquire knowledge. Understanding their problems …

S: Is that what you mean when you describe it as “storytelling from the inside out?”

R: Yes. You want them empathizing, you want them saying, “my God he’s telling my story. That’s me.” It’s got to be very personal for them.

S: Could you talk a little about “The Principle of Creative Limitation?”

R: It’s exactly the subject we’re talking about. The PowerPoint presentation is easy, that’s why people do it. Creative limitation means instead of doing something the easy way, you do it the hard way. You take a method that is much more difficult to accomplish. As a result in your struggle as a salesman to accomplish the presentation in the form of a story, you are forcing yourself to be creative. The more difficult you make it for yourself, the more brilliant the solutions you will have to come up with or you fail. And when you come up with brilliant creative solutions to the presentation, the results for the people, for the audience, are stunning.

Insight 8

Force yourself to be creative. It will stun your audience.

R: The principle of creative limitation forces you to do it the hard way. Story is more difficult than PowerPoint there is no question. You have to have a real talent for this and you have to do it really well or you will look like a fool. That is why people avoid it, because they don’t have the talent, they don’t do the research. They really don’t have the knowledge, they don’t know how to present it in a living way it’s difficult.

Why is whistling not a Beethoven symphony? Because whistling is easy. A Beethoven symphony is hard. But when you take on the challenge of writing a symphony, the creative solutions are amazing, overwhelming. Whistling is something you can do on the street. The more difficult the technique, the more brilliant the solution. Another analogy ... golf is more difficult than ping-pong. It’s not that ping-pong isn’t good, it’s a lot of fun and at the highest levels, it’s wonderful. But ping-pongers are not Tiger Woods, why? Because the golf swing is infinitely more difficult than hitting a ping-pong ball. Touch football is not tackle.

When you make things easy, the results are boring. When you make things difficult the creative solutions, the concentration, the practice, and the work that has to go into it, forces you to be creative. The results are all the more stunning. PowerPoints, of course, are the natural choice because people do not want to work and they don’t want to fail. And so they take what is easy and they think it will be successful. And then, they don’t get the sales.

Insight 9

Are you a whistler or a Beethoven?

R: And so, when they fail, they blame the product, they blame the buyer for whatever reasons they rationalize they’re crazy.

S: In your book, you talk about the “GAP” … what is it, and could this be an effective tool in a Complex-Sales presentation?

R: The world does not react the way you thought it would react. The GAP is between expectation and reality. What do you do? You’ve got to gather yourself and find another solution. When the gap opens up in life, it’s because the negative side of life that you could not anticipate suddenly erupted in the face of your action. Every day you walk into an office expecting cooperation and then one day you get antagonism. The deep difference between Story and PowerPoint is that Story admits to the negative. Admits to the fact that life does not react the way you expect and that is a fundamental difference. The gap is the essence of overcoming the chasm between expectations and reality. PowerPoints pretend that gaps don’t exist. PowerPoints pretend that the world will react exactly the way you predict.

But what guides you, of course, is that you’re ultimately trying to leave with the buyer one, clear, simple idea you want them to all understand. Not just understand intellectually, but also understand emotionally by the time you’re done.

Insight 10

A good story connects one simple idea - intellectually and emotionally.

S: Okay, close to wrapping it up here. In your book, you said from the ’20s to the ’50s storytelling was common knowledge. Now it’s a lost art. Is Story really a lost art or is it just not being taught anymore?

R: We went through a terrible cycle of very, very bad education of the writer. Education of the writer/storyteller was turned inside out from the ’60s on, but now finally, the light is dawning on people and they see that there’s a difference. The fundamental difference is between criticism and creativity. What’s been taught to writers for the last 40 years was not creativity but criticism. The methods of speech and literature and writing at universities may have been extremely valuable to people who want to be critics, but useless to the writer/storyteller, and in fact, detrimental to the writer.

S: Thank you for your time Robert.

END OF INTERVIEW

Now Steve, you ask, what’s love got to do with it? The Complex Sale?

It’s simple.

If you ever talk to Robert McKee, you’ll know.

If you ever read STORY, you’ll know.

But if you don’t get the chance to do either … it’s most perfectly described in his book this way (used by permission):

It’s All About Love

  • The love of story – The fascination with sudden surprises and revelations that bring sea changes in life.

  • The love of truth – The belief that lies cripple, that every truth in life must be questioned.

  • The love of humanity – A willingness to empathize with suffering souls, to crawl inside their skins and see the world through their eyes.

  • The love of humor – A joy in the saving grace that restores the balance of life.

  • The love of language – The delight in sound and sense, syntax, and semantics.

  • The love of duality – A feel for life’s hidden contradictions, a healthy suspicion that things are not what they seem.

  • The love of perfection – The passion to write and rewrite in search of the perfect moment.

  • The love of uniqueness – The thrill of audacity and a stone-faced calm when it is met by ridicule.

  • The love of beauty – An innate sense that treasures good, hates bad, and knows the difference.

END.

OOPS – wait a minute. I have to vent a little. When writing this interview, some publication I never heard of (The New Yorker) published an in-depth interview with Robert McKee (click here to read) as well.

Jealous?

I don’t mind a little competition. Especially from a magazine I’ve never heard of. And, no I’m not jealous. Nope. Not one scintilla of jealousy under this kilt.

Insight 11

I am sure the grapes are sour.

- Aesop, “The Fox and the Grapes”

Well, maybe a little jealous.

Why?

Okay … maybe it’s a well-done piece. Professional. Concise. In-depth. I guess a little prestigious if you’re in New York, L.A., or Chicago … but here in the heartland of America?

No … don’t think so. I mean the interviewer didn’t even put his picture on the article. What kind of journalism is that?

Hey New Yorker! Prove you’re not just another pretty face …

Like me.

END.



About Robert McKee:

For over 20 years, Robert McKee's Story Seminar has been the world's ultimate writing class for over 40,000 screenwriters, filmmakers, TV writers, novelists, industry executives, actors, producers, directors, and playwrights.

McKee graduates have earned:

19 Academy Awards
110 Emmy Awards
20 WGA Awards
16 DGA Awards

85+ Nominations
426+ Nominations
72+ Nominations
45+ Nominations

And have written such recent blockbusters as:

A Beautiful Mind
Finding Nemo
Bruce Almighty
Behind Enemy Lines
Law & Order
City of Bones (novel)
Ali
Lord of the Rings

The Two Towers
Shrek
Friends
Frasier
The Agency
Sex and The City
And many other